Prior to actually going on maternity leave, I had everything planned out. Take a couple of weeks off before my due date and then four full months of leave after. I like to plan things. Little did I know that some unexpected hurdles could change my plan.
While labor and delivery went smooth (meaning healthy delivery for both baby and I), my postpartum complication with mastitis definitely hindered the enjoyment of my maternity leave. You can read my post on that for all those details. Although it definitely put a dent in my enjoyment of maternity leave I chose not to extend my time and returned to the office as planned.
I hold a mid-career management position and things were pretty much in full swing when I returned to work. I had saved a lot of my time to make sure that I could still take time off with my baby and enjoy her as much as possible.
Things went well the first few months and then soon the pressure and deadlines all began to pile up. I had told myself I wouldn’t be working extra hours because my goal really was to get as much done within the office hours I was scheduled to be in so that I could enjoy my time with my little babe.
Reality set in and I soon found myself justifying reasons why I should be working extra hours. It’s like I wanted to live my pre-baby career schedule but with a baby. My husband tried to encourage me as much as possible just wanting me to be happy with whatever decision I chose. But I found myself flip-flopping back and forth with working 8 hour days on some and 10 hour days on others. Oh and don’t forget about that “saved” time off I wanted to use to spend with baby. I wanted to use that too. As you can see the return for a mid-level career new-mom can be quite perplexing.
So by this time, baby was around 6 months and I continued with the same struggles. But I kept to my career because I was grateful for it and had worked so hard to get where I was at. I made sure to get out of that “funk” each time I walked through my office doors. The problem was that I was simply putting on a show. The moment I walked out those doors the anxieties crept in. I wasn’t in the best of moods upon my arrival at home. I always made sure to hide that though. I didn’t want my husband to see that nor my baby to sense it. It was more so an internal struggle.
I noticed that I began to sacrifice A LOT. Self-care, exercise, glamming up, shopping, blogging all in the name of being a “present” mom and career woman. I planned the heck out of my life to find ways to squeeze in extra time for tasks. But between infant sleep regressions and hello global pandemic (COVID-19) I also began to question whether or not working was worth it. Total 360 right?
Pre -pregnancy I was a confident career woman. Pregnant me was a healthy, career-driven and fashion forward mom in the making. But new-mom me was a little lost.
I think these emotions or this stage is quite normal for new moms. At least I hope it is. My babe is now 13 months old as I type this post, and I still struggle with competing priorities. But I am finding that I simply have to make the time for the things that matter to me most and simply find grace in forgoing the rest. I recently wrote down the things that I want to make a priority in my life. Those things were family life, health, knowledge, spirituality and career. All in that order. I’m finding that I’m enjoying sharing my experiences by means of this blog in hopes that it will help like-minded women. So each day that passes I make sure to remind myself to enjoy the present and simply be that, present.
I’m making a commitment to be more present here and hope that you will continue to stop by and check in.
xoxo,
the Sun Queen