The moment my baby girl was born and handed to me, she immediately latched onto my breast. As a first-time mom, I was amazed to see how her instinct led her to know that this would be nature’s way of nourishing her. Little did I know that within a few months, this would soon lead to a very difficult and trauma-filled episode of my life.
What happened at the hospital.
I delivered my baby naturally with the aide of an epidural. I breastfed successfully at the hospital and only asked for a small bottle of formula to help supplement so that I could get some rest to recover from my sleepless 29-hour labor that I had just endured. Breast feeding attempts continued at what seemed like 2 hour intervals as I held my baby skin-to-skin and this seemed to help her remember where she could seek comfort and nourishment from.
Keep in mind, I delivered at a “baby-friendly” hospital which highly promoted breastfeeding. When I asked for formula, I nearly had to sign my life away. Perhaps I felt this way because I was tired. But really, I felt signing all the paperwork and waiving rights just to receive a little bottle of formula was just a bit much. I was elated when I was discharged with my healthy baby in tow within 24 hours.
What week 1 through 3 looked like.
The first three weeks were filled with a lot of positive emotions. I have to admit I was surprised by this. I was just so happy that I was able to breast feed my baby. I knew that this wasn’t the case for every mother, so I was simply grateful.
Many of my mom friends were surprised to learn that I was exclusively breastfeeding. No pumping, no formula supplementation. Baby was happy and her pediatrician was happy to see that she had gained the little weight she lost post birth and even a little more.
During weeks one and two I focused on manually tracking baby’s feed times and diaper changes. As a first time mom, I was curious to see if I could identify any trends. I wanted to make sure I followed a routine that best suited baby. I quickly learned that by simply observing cues, you could easily identify the appropriate feeding time for baby without having to worry about a cry-fest. I used a good old pen and paper to track this, and even took a few days worth of my notes to her first pediatric visit which took place only a couple days after she was born. These notes made our first doctors visit seamless and her pediatrician made note of how well nourished my baby girl was.
At the close of week two, I began to pump so that I could learn how to use my machine and also would provide me the opportunity to give her one bottle feeding at night. This came in handy because I began noticing the baby having difficulty in latching on correctly onto my right breast. Soon enough I experienced a sore, and cracked nipple.
As week three came to a close, the exhaustion and sleep deprivation began to settle in. At this point I was breastfeeding from my left breast and was pumping on the right since the pain from my sore nipple was uncomfortable. Even in instances where I attempted to breast feed from the right, baby would get frustrated and squirmy so I continued to pump from that breast to ensure I kept my milk supply. The routine was breastfeed from the left and provide the remaining breast milk that was previously pumped via bottle, then I would pump my right breast. As you can see, this routine quickly led to sleep deprivation as the baby was eating every two hours. The routine took me about a good hour and next thing you would know it was time to get it started all over again.
Week 4 is where the problems began.
I will never forget this week. My 35th birthday would approach midweek. I was still experiencing pain from my healing nipple but healing was definitely taking place. Applying ointment after each feed/pumping session was beginning to payoff. I noticed my sore nipple was healing and I was tired of my breastfeed/then pump routine and just wanted some rest. I attempted to breastfeed from the right breast and it was a success. The only downfall was that my milk production had decreased a bit but other than that things were looking bright. I continued to pump, this time from both breasts, only once or twice per day so that I could continue to give her a bottle at night. She was still feeding every 1.5 to 2 hours. Not to mention the occasional cluster feed periods we would experience.
My glimmer of hope only lasted about two days before I woke up in the middle of the night, my entire body felt warm and sweaty and I felt pangs of pain in my right breast. I woke up and pumped but even then the discomfort continued so I was up all night doing warm compress treatments to help relieve the pain. By 8am the next morning, I woke up drenched in sweat and headed straight for a cold shower and took some Tylenol. I knew I had a fever. When I looked at my breasts, I noticed two red streaks. It was time to call my doctor. My doctors office prescribed me antibiotics and diagnosed me with mastitis. Within almost 12 hours of being on meds, I felt improvement in my health. I was on antibiotics for 7 days. Unfortunately during this time, my baby completely refused my right breast. My doctor had mentioned that the infection had likely altered the taste of the milk which may have been unappealing to baby. So we got back into my good old routine of breastfeeding on the left, pumping on the right and so and and so forth.
By the time I finished my antibiotics, I realized how unhappy these obstacles made me. I felt like I was cheating my baby and myself out of quality time. I talked to my husband and I expressed that my plan would be to stop breastfeeding after 3 months.
Right when things were looking better…
We decided to have our first weekend date night. The plan was to only be out for about four hours. I made sure to pump before leaving my baby at my parents and noticed that I was full from both breasts so it felt good to pump. Two hours away from baby and my breasts were engorged. I didn’t have the heart to tell my husband that I was uncomfortable but shortly after I told him and I made a quick trip to the restroom to manually express my milk. My breasts were definitely engorged and although I was successful at expressing, the chills quickly came on. I had a clogged duct and with a lot of attention I was able to clear it within 24 hours.
It was only two days after this incident that I felt a lump in my right breast and began experiencing the same mastitis symptoms that I had just recovered from less than a prior. The one difference was that I wasn’t able to express any milk from my right breast. I immediately visited urgent care and they confirmed it was the second round of mastitis. I was prescribed antibiotics once again. The doctor mentioned that if symptoms didn’t improve in 48 hours I should visit my physician or the emergency room if needed.
The 48 hours passed and although I felt a bit better, I still had pain and was not able to express any milk from the breast. You can imagine I tried everything! Tried having baby feed, pumped, manual expression, compressions, warm bath you name it I tried it. Because it was Friday evening I was left with little choice but to go the emergency room. After spending 9 hours there I was told that an abscess had been identified and needle aspiration was performed in two different areas of my right breast. I was referred to a breast surgeon and was to see him that very Monday to determine if the needle aspiration was successful.
During the weekend, I felt much better. I felt so helpless and unhappy the day I spent at the ER since it was time spent away from my baby. I decided I wanted to stop breastfeeding once I regained my health. It was only one day of relief before I noticed that my breasts soon filled up with milk again. I still wasn’t able to express any milk from my right breast. When I saw the breast surgeon that Monday he confirmed that the abscess was in fact there and I had another round of needle aspiration. This time it targeted four different areas of my breast.
I finally felt like this would do the trick. I felt so much better. Don’t get me wrong it was painful but the pain from engorgement and the abscess was worse.
As a side note, I had dreaded the thought of going through needle aspiration. In case you’re reading this because you’ll be going through it, just know that the area can be numbed but its completely dependent on the physician. For example the area was numbed in the ER but not the second time. You will survive the initial pain and reality is that the pain from the abscess is pretty bad that the actual procedure can seem tolerable.
A few days passed and I still was unable to express milk from my right breast. At this point I knew breastfeeding would have to stop. But I was still attempting to pump to see if it would be a possibility. My right breast began producing milk and as days passed I became frustrated that I was not able to relieve the milk by any means. A few days in, my follow-up appointment with the surgeon took place. At this point I noticed a small piece of tissue hanging from one of the areas where the needle aspiration had taken place. It was draining a milky like fluid and so I thought it may just be the milk that had been clogged finding it’s way out. I didn’t dare touch the tissue but I noticed it kept on getting larger and larger. Luckily my appointment was at 4pm that same afternoon.
How I was diagnosed.
I will never forget. I was somewhat optimistic that the milk was beginning to find it’s way out and I was anxious to see what the breast surgeon would say. Upon checking in I told the nurse what had happened over the weekend and they called me rather quickly to a different examination room. The surgeon had me lay back and examined the area. He asked me a series of questions, particularly if I was still feeling pain and I admitted that I had been feeling pain since my right breast seemed to have produced more milk over the weekend. I remember asking him about the small piece of tissue that was exposing itself and he said “I can provide some immediate relief” and I immediately said “no” “wait”. But it was too late, he was already pulling the piece of tissue off my breast and I let out a loud cry. The tearing of the tissue resulted in more fluid draining. That’s when the surgeon confirmed that I would need to have surgery, immediately. Although he was fully booked with surgeries the next day, he asked me to show up at 6am and he would work out the scheduling with the hospital. I knew this was serious.
This was probably the hardest part. I had just given birth to a baby less than 6 weeks ago and I was already having to go back to the hospital. I was lucky to have my parents who could help watch my newborn so that my husband could be there with me every step of the way. These are the types of stories that go untold. I had scoured the internet to see if there were any blog posts related to my situation. I wanted to know what to expect.
Post surgery…
My surgical procedure, labeled an incision and drainage, was outpatient.
I still remember that the morning of the surgery, I woke up to see if anymore of that tissue had expressed it’s way out. As soon as I carefully removed my bra with the gauze pads to take a peek, a brownish-red fluid gushed out of my breast so quickly that it splattered all over my t-shirt, pants and I was lucky enough to be able to run to a trash can to catch the fluid. I know it sounds bad, it was. I remember gasping in my bathroom and my husband quickly tried to run in to see how I was I ran to the door to keep him out and from seeing the mess.
Once admitted to the hospital, all the normal vitals were taken IV and meds were administered and I was placed under general anesthesia to ensure I was completely out during the procedure. I had read that some doctors only administer local anesthesia and that the procedures were sometimes done in the doctors medical office. I’m so grateful that I was treated by a breast surgeon and specialist. The procedure itself was bearable. I was given a nice cocktail to put me at ease and was prescribed painkillers to help deal with the pain post-op.
The surgeon confirmed that my abscess fit about two of his fingers. It was a large abscess he said. Surgery was definitely necessary. But he had cleaned it all up. He warned that that the recovery could take up to two months. The incision had to remain open to ensure that any pus could drain. I was due back at his office the next afternoon. I would soon learn that the the wound would have to be dressed with gauze every single day. That meant my husband would be responsible for packing the wound with gauze for what would become the next 21 days.
I’m not going to lie, the pain of dressing the wound everyday was not easy to bear. I only took painkillers for a week and wouldn’t even take the recommended dosage. I remember the nurses in the hospital telling me to take a painkiller before my wound dressings to help reduce the pain I would feel. I took their advice even if I amended it to make sure I didn’t rely on the pain meds regularly.
The weeks that followed meant follow up visits and what seemed like daily torture of the gauze dressings. I felt horrible for my husband as he volunteered to take the task on.
My doctor was pleased with how quickly my incision healed as he originally expected it to take longer due to its size. The post op recovery was the toughest.
Lessons learned…
Going through an event like this is traumatic. There’s no nice way to put it. The hardest part was that there was very little information out there that would help me figure out what to do and what to expect. Looking back I would have done a few things differently both before and after said mastitis/abscess:
- Accept any help offers received post baby delivery.
- Rest!
- Forget pleasing others, take care of yourself first.
- Postpone making any attempts at date nights. Rest is much more important.
- Wear the correct bra! I strongly believe my second round of mastitis was a result from this and #4 above.
- Avoid the Emergency Room if you can. See your OB first, even before seeking treatment from your primary care physician.
- Pay a lactation consultant to help you with any issues or to help plan for weaning.
- Purchase a hospital grade breast pump. It makes a difference.
I know this post was a little different from what I have produced in the past. I just want my experience to be able to help any mom that may be going through this. I spent endless nights trying to find any blog posts that could describe the experience seeing that I knew no one that had. I found a forum or two that discussed it but I had to dig deep and even then it was just comments. On the nights where you lose sleep or can’t see the end in sight, you find comfort even if it’s just reading comments. There’s light at the end of the tunnel.
xoxo,
the Sun Queen